I've been fortunate to receive some wonderful reviews of With Good Behavior, and several readers have commented that they fell hard for romantic hero Grant Madsen in all his McSailor McMuffinicious goodness. However, a couple of reviewers commented that Grant was too soft and sensitive, particularly since he's a former Navy lieutenant who just emerged from prison.
I've learned that I shouldn't hang my hat on any particular review, but one of the most intriguing parts of writing for me has been the wildly different reactions readers have for the same novel. Challenging the believability of an emotionally expressive romantic hero really got me thinking about two questions:
1) Can a man be sensitive and kind, shedding a tear when pushed to his limits, and still be masculine?
My answer to this question is a resounding YES! In my role as a psychologist, I observe men cry. Most of the times they're embarrassed as hell and promptly apologize for their tears. But I never view emotional expression like that as a sign of weakness. I think it takes incredible strength to face feelings head on--much more strength than numbing the feelings through a drinking binge, for example. We're human and we feel emotions whether we like it or not.
Unfortunately, our culture teaches men to stifle those emotions. In his thoughtful book Real Boys, William Pollack explores male socialization.
Pollack examines the lessons we pass along to boys. We teach boys to be stoic, strong, and rugged. We tell them to suck it up, that they're only acceptable if they're star athletes. We administer tough love from a young age, erroneously believing that showing warmth and understanding will make boys weak. If boys stray from the tightly controlled behavior we expect of them, others call them cruel names and homophobic slurs. Boys quickly learn to behave in stereotypically masculine ways.
Is this a good thing for male development? I've found that suppressing all emotion sure can make adult relationships difficult. What if a boy feels drawn to be an artist or dancer? What if he hates sports? What if he's not very muscular? These boys suffer greatly and often become the targets of bullies. I believe we should love boys and men for who they are instead of forcing them into a very limiting mold.
Onto my second question:
2) How do you feel about "beta" males? Must the romantic hero be an "alpha"?
I think this is a highly personal preference. Alpha males are typically dominant, muscular, demanding leaders. Beta males are more respectful of women and less power-hungry.
I prefer a man to have alpha and beta qualities. My romantic lead Grant Madsen is a survivor of childhood abuse, making him somewhat of a people pleaser and sensitive to others' emotions. However, he's also physically strong, intelligent, and capable. What kind of romantic hero is your favorite?
Because I love to explore themes of healing and redemption, I strive to write characters growing stronger throughout the series. And I believe that "stronger" could mean becoming more alpha or beta--whatever the man needs to be authentic and confident. I'll be curious to see what reviewers think of Grant's character in the second installment of The Conduct Series: Bad Behavior (coming out in March, 2011).
Well, it's Monday again, and I have to work even though it's a holiday. *pouts* Perhaps the Meet an Author Monday Blog Hop will lift my spirits. Check out Lisa Sanchez's blog for details.
I've learned that I shouldn't hang my hat on any particular review, but one of the most intriguing parts of writing for me has been the wildly different reactions readers have for the same novel. Challenging the believability of an emotionally expressive romantic hero really got me thinking about two questions:
1) Can a man be sensitive and kind, shedding a tear when pushed to his limits, and still be masculine?
My answer to this question is a resounding YES! In my role as a psychologist, I observe men cry. Most of the times they're embarrassed as hell and promptly apologize for their tears. But I never view emotional expression like that as a sign of weakness. I think it takes incredible strength to face feelings head on--much more strength than numbing the feelings through a drinking binge, for example. We're human and we feel emotions whether we like it or not.
Unfortunately, our culture teaches men to stifle those emotions. In his thoughtful book Real Boys, William Pollack explores male socialization.
Is this a good thing for male development? I've found that suppressing all emotion sure can make adult relationships difficult. What if a boy feels drawn to be an artist or dancer? What if he hates sports? What if he's not very muscular? These boys suffer greatly and often become the targets of bullies. I believe we should love boys and men for who they are instead of forcing them into a very limiting mold.
Onto my second question:
2) How do you feel about "beta" males? Must the romantic hero be an "alpha"?
I think this is a highly personal preference. Alpha males are typically dominant, muscular, demanding leaders. Beta males are more respectful of women and less power-hungry.
I prefer a man to have alpha and beta qualities. My romantic lead Grant Madsen is a survivor of childhood abuse, making him somewhat of a people pleaser and sensitive to others' emotions. However, he's also physically strong, intelligent, and capable. What kind of romantic hero is your favorite?
Because I love to explore themes of healing and redemption, I strive to write characters growing stronger throughout the series. And I believe that "stronger" could mean becoming more alpha or beta--whatever the man needs to be authentic and confident. I'll be curious to see what reviewers think of Grant's character in the second installment of The Conduct Series: Bad Behavior (coming out in March, 2011).
Well, it's Monday again, and I have to work even though it's a holiday. *pouts* Perhaps the Meet an Author Monday Blog Hop will lift my spirits. Check out Lisa Sanchez's blog for details.
Comments
xoxo
Jen
Ha ha! Well said. I've seen many examples of elite athletes with the softest hearts too. Thanks, Jen!
As for questions #2. Some of each, please. ;)
I agree with you on the trust thing, Nicki. It's funny that my heroine Sophie cries a lot more than Grant but nobody calls her out on that! I just realized that I should've added new Speaker of the House John Boehner, a frequent crier, to the discussion. ;) Maybe he might change how crying men are perceived?
I like to read about men who have the ability to take the lead but can can step back just far enough to examine their own motives.
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Carol, I totally agree that emotions have a way of making themselves known. I dated a man who communicated through his behavior, not his words, and it was crazy-making!
"I like to read about men who have the ability to take the lead but can can step back just far enough to examine their own motives."
Oo, I like that too. Well said!
Kelsey, I agree. You need to have a variety of personality types depending on what each character tells you about himself.
Thanks for the comments, ladies! I wonder what the guys think . . .
Romance heroes don't all have to be stoic John Wayne types, but professional cry-babies are not for me!
Anne, I agree that somebody crying all the time isn't my cup of tea. Are you referring to John Boehner when you mention politicos who cry, or are there others you're thinking of? I'm curious--if you are referring to John Boehner, what makes you think his tears are manipulative?
So yes, a combination of “alpha” and “beta” is ideal, but every individual will prefer their own ratio of each! The same goes for female characters. I suppose it depends on the reader’s personality – who/what compliments them.
I’m wracking my brains, but honestly can’t remember a place where Grant sheds a tear in With Good Behavior. When he’s having a PTSD attack, perhaps? Or when a person close to him dies? It seems to me that I’d remember the scene(s) if I thought that tears weren’t a suitable reaction. He’s sensitive and aware of other people’s feelings, but would risk his life for the people he loves. <3
Interesting observation about the evolution of superheroes! I like that. And the idea of a "ratio" of alpha to beta is something I was trying to figure out how to say in my post but you nailed it.
I was a bit surprised when one reviewer said that Grant was crying all the time. Off the top of my head, the occasions I recall him crying were when he hugged Uncle Joe after 2+ years in prison, when a significant person in his life died, and when he was on the ship thinking about a key loss in his life. I thought those were instances when even the manliest man might cry, but maybe Grant's a little more sensitive than most.